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Coffee Crisis (Switch eShop)

Posted by SheldonRandoms on December 16, 2018 at 7:05 PM


Eshop Gurus SheldonRandoms here, and today, i'm going to pour some coffee in the morning in Coffee Crisis. This is a review of the Nintendo Switch version of the game, because originally, Coffee Crisis was developed for the Sega Genesis in 2017, so the Switch version is the console version of this game you can download and play. I'm going to try out this coffee to see if it's worth standing in line for, or is it better dumped into a sewer? Time to brew up this review!


The plot takes place not so long ago, in a galaxy kinda close to us. The Smurglien race has discovered our internet and stole Earth's wifi to create their own within Earth's, which helped kickstart their invasion plans as well. The takeover of Earth has begun, as well the supply of metal (the kind that ROCKS!) and coffee! The only ones who can stand up to the Smurglien invasion are Nick and Ashley, they work at Black Forge Coffeehouse, however, they have demon blend IV and Barista training knowledge, so i'm sure they can handle the task of saving the world. Can these two jagoffs triumph in the name of metal and coffee, or will earth rock out as the last drop of brew runs out? 


Once you enter the streets, you'll notice the amount of rage going on, and this isn't because people didn't drink their usual morning blend, and all part of the Smurglien invasion! The gameplay is of retro beat 'em up glory (it has to be since the game was made for Sega Genesis), Nick and Ashley have to beat them up to save the day. Both coffeehouse workers have a similar playstyle, tho Nick attacks with a coffe bean bag and Ashley prefers to slam aliens with a coffee pot. Both of them also have special attacks which in beat 'em up fashion, takes away some of your health.


The combat is pretty simple to learn, especially the way you can pick up and put down a weapon with a different button (which prevents that certain weapon issue which is present in even some of the best beat 'em ups), however, the enemies can be overwhelming so quickly once exiting the coffeehouse, at times it makes Nick and Ashley feel powerless. Weapons can help take out baddies, however coffee themed powerups can boost you right back into the game, but even then, it'll still be a challenge. You can lower the difficulty to easy, but even then, the challenge to save coffee and metal will still be a....well, challenge since you have limited lives and continues.


Nick and Ashley will travel across the land to save coffee and metal, thankfully there's enough variety of enemy designs so things don't get too repetitive, but the repetitiveness starts to kick in since they most of them just do standard attacks, nothing too flashy or out of the norm. Some levels also have boss fights to help mix things up, with two bosses looking familiar, perhaps it's because those two bosses are AlphaOmegaSin and MetalJesusRocks? It's explained why you fight them, however they don't do much for the story afterwards. To have a bonus game of sorts (or a coffee break!) eventually Nick and Ashley will have a coffee drinking contest, this is where you help Nick/Ashley drink cups of coffee, whoever drinks the most cups wins. Doing this is a good way to stay alive, as the more coffee they drink, the more health they'll regain, if they drink a certain amount, they'll revive an extra live.


Visually, this game looks like a Sega Genesis game, I know I brought it up at the start of this review, however this game is literally a retro style beat 'em up, as they made it look like a Sega Genesis game. This version is the game is more so the “DX” version, making the game look bigger and badder, and polishing it with extra effects blast processing couldn't handle. The music in Sega Genesis games always had this “rockin' techno” vibe to it, and the tunes from the genesis version have be redone by an actual rockband, bringing to life the soul of metal for our heroes trying to save the genre, and actually sounding like instruments being played, unlike the genesis' main rival. The only taste of the original chiptunes present in the game are from the bonus game, it would've been neat to have unlocked the original genesis soundtrack by beating the game, but can't really blame them for just sticking with the new music.


Saving Earth's supply of coffee and metal can take upwards of an afternoon to complete, or a couple of coffee breaks! If you played the game as Nick/Ashley, then you'll notice how Ashley/Nick were in the cutscenes and mini game but weren't helping you fight the Smurgliens? Well thankfully, they can help you via co-op (additional friend needs to be player 2, not included with the game), which can help you not feel as overwhelmed when many baddies rev up. To further help you replay the game, you can enable modifiers, these mods can either help you or break you on each level, so turn them on if you want to play while also be daring (modifiers are already turned on when first starting the game).


All and all, Coffee Crisis is a modern day brew which tastes just like the classic brew of the 80's and 90's it paid homage to. While getting overwhelmed early on might taste sour in this brew, if you can overcome that obstacle, than this brew will be the definite reason to pour a cup of metal coffee in any season for it's metal hits and retro style blitz! (hey, maybe I could start my own band and be the lead singer!),


I give Coffe Crisis 8 cups of coffe out of 10!


Cost on the eShop: $9.99

Memory used: 629MB

Review code provided by:QubicGames

Categories: All Reviews, Switch eShop Reviews